The Change

Like everything, i took a change … I moved my Blog…

Sanity, Insanity and Moi, the name was fixed after a lot of rework and changes and thanks to my pals who took time to go to the site and help me with suggestions.

Now ‘Sanity’ was achieved in the title. But ‘Insanity’ crept in the ‘home’ location.

Though jerryreghunadh.wordpress.com does exist its no longer updated for latest updates visit jerrymannel.com

Hope to see everyone there…

Déjà Vu – The Waking

Déjà vu!!!

Woke up in cold sweat.

It was still dark. No! i couldn’t open my eyes. The lids, they simply refused to budge.

My head was feeling heavy, pain running across in all direction. The feeling like some one drove a drill bit from behind. The pain was killing.

Breathing was heavy and obstructed. I had to struggle for each and every intake. The breath was more ready to leave my lung cavity than they wanted to stay in. It was a struggle to stay conscious.

It took some time for me to come to a sense close to normal. I was grunting like an old steam engine, ready to leave the platform. Every bit of muscle was put into action to move a finger.

Jolts of pain shot up in all direction. Legs!!! Couldn’t even sense them! Amputated? Paralyzed? Senses were of no use to conclude.

Arms were numb, they were drained of blood.

I lay there, just let the time pass.

5… 10… 15… i don’t know how much time i lay there in and out of consciousness, contemplating what had happened.

As time went by i knew, i was resting my body on a mattress. Through the crack in the opening of my eyes i could see blades going round and round above me, making the feeling of the cold sweat prominent.

I could make out that i was lying in that state for quite some time. I need to move and figure out what happened. How did i end up like that? I didn’t drink the last day. I came back directly from office. Remember having dinner with her. Was it HER who did this to me? She is too sweet to even hurt me by words. A Voice echoed at the back of my head, “That’s what they say about all those Bi**hes!!!”

No!! She can’t do this to me!!! No!!! Never!!!

…aaarrghhhh … i was out again… don’t know how long it was!!!

Could hear a familiar sound. What is it? Its sounds like a song, a melody? No! Its clear now, its something i have hated over the years. My Alarm!!!

Could finally reach out and turn it off and re coiled to the earlier position. What i’m in my own room!!!

Struggled to reach my mobile … Got it!!!… dialed … its ringing !!!

A voice answered from the other side, “Hello Jerry!!!”…

“I can’t come to office today!!!”

“What happened???”

“I think i have a bad cold!!!”

“Fine!!! Take rest and be back tomorrow…”

My Manager’s voice never sounded so sweet to me … Sweeter than her voice!!!

I love this FEVER!!!

Its a 100′000 and counting ….

Lets call it one of my dreams. Never thought i would come so far and never expected to be a regular one either. So here i’m – my blog registered 100′000 visitors…Thanks to all…

Some updates rolling out soon ….

Start Blogging and Continue Doing It

[This is my first post in the company blog]

Its a good thing that my company introduced blogging to its employees. It was high time that this passion of a ‘netizen‘ was recognized. I see a lot of posts coming up and the enthusiasm was just simply WOW!!!. The fact is, most of the people lose their steam after the initial boost on writing. They come over enthusiastic and over time, they just don’t find what to write, some times intimidated by the way top bloggers write and the responses that they get and simply give up on blogging. “I cant do that, look how many hits (number of visitors to a blog) that person is getting.”

“So you a first time blogger… uhh????”, whats the big deal, write dude write!!! Thats what blogging initially is about. You need to write, write and write. Let that be anything about the good looking girl you found in the bus and wondering if u had her name can check her details in TedWeb, or how you burnt your break fast any damn thing goes into that. Novice bloggers – Just keep writing. You may not find any theme to write about, just write the crap that you feel like. May be no one is going to read it. So what, write.

“So you are not new to blogging…!!!”, still keep writing. As you ‘mature’ (i hate to use this word), you will find out yourself that what you want to write about them most, what you like blogging about. May be its Mallaika Sherawat or Bipasha Basu , who cares write about them. Play with words. Frame some wacky phrases like – “Bipasha threw ambers of jealousy at young damsels”, just make sure that you girlfriend doesn’t read this and i’m not responsible at any cause.

The next thing that you should focus is – ‘Give and Take‘ principle. Go visit other’s blogs, read their articles, drop a comment or two at their blogs and posts. Trust me just by mere visiting no one is going to know that you visited their site. Build a community on the web. Join groups. There is a bangalorebloggers called as the Blog’a’loreans at Google.

Last, visit the top blogs around and read how they write and what draws the crowd to them. What is so special in their writing? Who are these people. I suggest – Digital Inspirations – Amit Agarwal, he is India’s first professional blogger, Kiruba Shankar, Silkboard, Seth Godin etc. These are some of my favorite. Silkboard esp. has an uncanny way to report on the bangalore traffic . There are some Community driven blogs too like – Mutiny.in(i write here ), Sepia Mutiny too.

“So you a pro blogger.. uhhh???”, great!!!. Keep writing and help others too. Its always fun to get people into blogging. The way i did it for my roommate.

Second in LOVE – The Closure

[Read the Prelude here...]

… All i remember of it is that, it was a Tuesday evening…

There i stood in front of Coffee Day at Brigade Rd., crowd brushing past me. The helmet felt heavy. Now i have to find my way back home. It was the longest five minute walk that i had. My vision blurred, shoulders heavy, emptiness was what i felt inside. I wanted to just stay there, don’t want to take my bike. Hoped someone in the crowd heard my ailing heart.

All i could do was just watch her go. The auto spurted out oil and smoke, roared and joined the ocean of traffic. She was gone. Forever! She was so close and now that she was gone and it ripped my heart out. There was an emptiness that i never felt before, as i watched the auto-rickshaw fade out and disappear. I wanted to run after it, begging her not to go. But i couldn’t even move a muscle.

She was committed, she was with another person. But, She loved ME. 2 weeks that’s all that took us to get close and know each other like we knew ourselves. The 2 weeks that i’m never going to get back and the 2 weeks i was in love. Yes i was in LOVE. 2 years in Bangalore and i never felt so happy.

I had already told her that i love her, and she had told me too that she was committed. But there was something with in us that couldn’t keep either of us from talking to each other, staying in contact, going for lunch and dinner.

I vividly recollect. That day, i left office early and rang her up and asked if she can join me for dinner. She took time to answer, but it was a YES. I knew that even though she was with him she loved me and she had confessed to that.

“I don’t know why i want to talk to you; I don’t know why i want to be with you”, she broke out one day, “i know i’m not doing the right thing, i’m not being fair to him. All i know is that i want to be with you”

She knew that it was all wrong and i never had the strength to stop her. I was falling in love and i was falling hard. I was happy. 100%. We talked for hours at length till we were tired, messaged long enough to make our fingers sore, felt the warmth of love, as moments passed we wanted to be with each other more and more.

Saturday on our way to dinner, he called. She said she was going home and what else could she have done than to lie to that poor soul. He was suspicious. He called again; She turned to me and asked,

“What should i tell him?”

“Tell him the truth”, i just couldn’t tell her to lie and i never could.

She did and i saw her smile fade away. She was happy, till that time a bit confused too, but now she felt her consciousness prick. There ended the dinner and i had no idea that it would be the last time we would be together. I dropped her right out side her home, “Good night”, and drove off didn’t even wanted to listen what she wanted to tell me.

A day passed, before we actually spoke. From day one she only had questions to ask me and i wasn’t surprised a bit when these were her first words following ‘hello’,

“What if i say YES to you?”

“One person would be happy and another one would be broken”, i had to be correct as i knew the answer was going to change the tide of our relation, “People will say you left a guy whom you knew for one and a half years for a guy whom you knew only for a week… what ever you decision is i support that…”

“I need to think, will call you in the evening”

The call went dead. I rang her up in the evening and asked for her decision; all she wanted was to meet the next day. So there i was waiting not knowing what her decision was. I was praying and hoping that it would be a positive one and the way she spoke the other day, i was growing confident.

Ladies have to be fashionably late. So i didn’t expect her any sooner. I settled in my chair, sipping the sweet-bitter coffee, and just recollected where i was a week ago and now where i’m. So much has changed in so little a time and i felt like i gained something.

She was the girl i always wanted. I had been with and known enough girls and i knew exactly what kind of a girl i wanted. She was sweet, innocent and sometimes irritatingly sweet and innocent. She was so true to heart that she was unable to take the fact that she was disappointing someone. She repeatedly said that she was cheating him. She didn’t even laugh at my stupid jokes as she never got them and i had to take time to explain them. Opposite do attract. There was many striking similarities that we shared with family matters, tastes and even personal things. The most amusing thing was that she never wanted branded items neither did i. She questioned me for the amount of money i spent on food. Food was the single most expensive thing that spent all my money on. If the food is good then i won’t mind spending anything on it. She believed on sharing what ever expenses occurred when we were together. I had to save my dignity, so never accepted any money. She was all too much perfect. I began planning to telling my parents and to get things rolling. Yes i saw 10 years down the line. And i was dreaming in a busy place, oblivious to my chaotic surrounding.

There She comes, the queen of my most delectable dreams. Its you. My heart was missing a beat, No! it almost stopped. As she neared i saw that the shine in her eyes had gone, the freshness in her face had faded, she had a worn look and walked towards me like she was fighting the pull of someone from behind. Everything just vanished from my mind, the dreams that i built up was gone, my mind was like the most barren land. She sat on the chair next to me. I stared into her eyes searching to find myself. I didn’t had the strength to look anymore and turned away.

“Can you consider me as your friend? … “, those words were like barbwire threading through my heart. Everything just froze at that moment.

“Why? Why? I told you that i will be keeping hope and i told you not to disappoint me”

“Me and him are almost breaking up…”

I interrupted her, “…So that means that you can be with me right…”

“No … i can’t be with you either”, “Why?”

“I love you, which you can be certain of. But i don’t think i can be with you after the guilty feeling that’s killing me, thinking what i did to him. We lost it. He is totally broke. And I’m to blame”

I looked at her. She was torn between the two of us. Her eyes spoke as i looked into those limpid pools, that were about to overflow, ‘… I want to be with you forever. But after what i did to him i won’t be able to be fully happy with you. You make me happy and make me smile, but if i’m not truly happy, its same as cheating you… ‘

She turned away, she didn’t want me to see her through. She broke the silence, “Please! you will have to forget me… Please”

“I cant. Ever! Something in life is sure to remind me of you all the time… and you can’t ask me that…”

“Hope you’d understand… I love you…”

She got up to leave. I just followed her in silence. Nothing mattered now. The traffic was no more deafening, there was silence everywhere. I couldn’t even look up and face the crowd. I was afraid that someone might read me though. I followed her in silence. We didn’t speak a word. She walked for some time and picked up pace, i tried to keep up but i had already fallen and i couldn’t even look up.

“Auto!!! Jayanagar…”, she didn’t even look back

She was lost. I’m still in search for the missing beat of my heart.

The rhythm that i found and lost in 2 weeks. The most musical 2 weeks ever. The two most wonderful weeks of my life. Now its just silence. Melody has given way to Melancholy.

I’m moving on, thinking some day we will be together… Some day…

Nothingness remains…

And one day i was on Bangalore Mirror

Because of the on going Blogathon work i was featured in Bangalore Mirror.

Here is the snap shot

[thanks Mohan]

Its me at the far left ..

and its 75′000

Yes finally another mile stone …

My blog stat just crossed 75′000 hits

Thanks friends.. who helped me reach this point.

Next stop 100′000 …

I Am Legend – Review

Thought i already reviewed the Movie… But as it turns out i reviewed it only in my head (like everything else it was in my head… which includes my secret love for this girl in office…) and i forgot to post it here.

I Am Legend, the first half of the movie was totally Will Smith and his dog. He is a talented actor beyond any questioning and he kept me right at the seat’s edge. But the later half turned out to be sort of a disappointment. The makers of the movie just seemed to run out of money and they just finished the movie in a click. Just like that. The only thing that stood apart was the theme and Smith’s acting.

This review by my friend Arun (simply sophisticated) will explain the rest. Clearly he wasnt pleased by the whole thing.

I am legend ??

The movie opens with a news clip showing a mad scientist boasting of finding a cure to cancer by “reprogramming a virus” (how lame could that be… but wait the movie gets lamer every minute)… haan so where were we… yeah she grins all the time expecting a Nobel for her miracle virus. Fast forward 3 years… every human is dead except for our MAN… Willy is the only dude alive on this planet !!!! … (read on …)

WOW !!!!

Who ever took this photo, has the shot of their life.. simply awesome…

Image source – Ramjee @ so-did-i : One in a Million

Hardcore Twitterer? You need this …

Of lately the craze of twittering has creeped in on me. I just love doing it. Even though i’m late to start using it.

Initially it was the question – Why do I?. ‘Coz i already have so many accounts and its tough time remembering the passwords and in no way i’m going to keep the same password for all the sites. In short if i have 100 accounts i’ll be having close to 90 different passwords.

With my net connection, which is a big time sucker, i needed to have a twitter client that is -

light weight – i dont want it to use suck up all the system power

fast - updates and posts happen in an instant

user friendly – i shouldnt spent time in configuring it

appealing – it shouldn’t be eye sore

I did a quick search on the net and 2 desktop clients popped up. Some thing in me said that there will be twitter clients for Firefox too. So did a search at the Addons page of Mozilla too- Voila!!! There too i have 2 clients. Finally in less than an hour of using all the four, i’m good enough to give the verdict.

TwitBin is a firefox plugin. Light weight, fast, user friendly and appealing. It opens as a left side bar.

It lost in the only fact that the typing font is too large.

Then there was Twitterbar, again a firefox plugin. Its light weight, fast , quite user friendly. You need to post something in twitter just type it in the address bar and click the (+) button to post. This is no longer under development as the developer says that there are many clients swarming the net, he just stopped the development.

The fact that you cant see yours or others messages is no problem for me. Imagine you are in a conf and want to twitter without catching anyone’s attention. Type in the address bar and then click.

The biggest disappointment was the two desktop clients that i tried out.

Swallow was hanging at times, the refresh was not happening properly, showed error while trying to post a message. Well i really ran out of patience. But its a product at its alpha stage, still a long way to go. So its definitely not my choice.

Then it was Pwytter. Its quite massive with the 6MB download file. Regular windows installation process. It takes time to come up before you even login. Refresh showed errors with the slow net connection(the same time TwitBin was running fine). The advantages i see are buttons for “Direct” and “Reply” messages. The application looks cool too.

My choice a combination of Twitbin and twitterbar…