The Change

Like everything, i took a change … I moved my Blog…

Sanity, Insanity and Moi, the name was fixed after a lot of rework and changes and thanks to my pals who took time to go to the site and help me with suggestions.

Now ‘Sanity’ was achieved in the title. But ‘Insanity’ crept in the ‘home’ location.

Though jerryreghunadh.wordpress.com does exist its no longer updated for latest updates visit jerrymannel.com

Hope to see everyone there…

Valentine’s Day Contemplations

“You don’t have to get me a red-rose. I’m already yours!!!”, well i still don’t know if that was a trick question or not that she threw at me. All i asked her, “Shall i give you a red-rose?”

Or rather i wasn’t supposed to ask anything like that. May be it was stupid cupid playing the role of the culprit. How the hell would i ever know what she meant? Cant they just ask us what they want rather than using virtual pointers. We run Java, pointers are not an option and why else do you think we date so many and never result in garbled memory. The core is never dumped.(2 years with IT industry this is all that i have left in my mind)

Sandy had said it the right way,

“And they say, love makes the world go round.
It sure does, in damned circles of nothingness.”

Inspired from Love and his post on Nothingness, came my two posts Second in Love and Second in Love - The Closure, two close to reality stories. 3 in fact!

Trust me “Guys who are Single”, the world will be mean to you, but once SHE is there in your life, your life can never get meaner. Jokes apart they do bring in a sense of orderliness if your really serious. I have seen that in people. They change overnight. Power of Love, they say, Power of HER i say.

Some people really live their life out on LOVE. They forget that they have a life that’s precious and they forget it. All the sweet words that you might have said and those moments that you cherished are all good. But once you break-up, you need to move on. Kambath Ishq, is to be blamed? No dude. Its you at blame’s end. Move on!!!

GUYs never ever on a very special day, especially on this day, tell her that you will get food from outside. You can never be convincing enough and wont sound sweet to her at all. Trust me all that She would hear would be, “I cant eat the carp that you prepare everyday! I need a break at least today. So lets eat outside”. Let her to decide. Its the safest bet. Watch “Pyaar Ke Side-Effects”, its a nice start for beginners.

As a parting gift, here is my 2 cents - Never trust someone who says, “I cant live without YOU! You’re my life”. Thats the biggest lie in the world.

And with all these said, I wonder why i’m still here in office on Valentine Day’s eve, working. She hasn’t called either. He phone is not reachable too…

(This post is now abruptly stopped. There has been a Fire Alarm at my office and Its a fake!!! Somebody got too steamy in love on V-Day i guess. )

Second in LOVE - The Closure

[Read the Prelude here...]

… All i remember of it is that, it was a Tuesday evening…

There i stood in front of Coffee Day at Brigade Rd., crowd brushing past me. The helmet felt heavy. Now i have to find my way back home. It was the longest five minute walk that i had. My vision blurred, shoulders heavy, emptiness was what i felt inside. I wanted to just stay there, don’t want to take my bike. Hoped someone in the crowd heard my ailing heart.

All i could do was just watch her go. The auto spurted out oil and smoke, roared and joined the ocean of traffic. She was gone. Forever! She was so close and now that she was gone and it ripped my heart out. There was an emptiness that i never felt before, as i watched the auto-rickshaw fade out and disappear. I wanted to run after it, begging her not to go. But i couldn’t even move a muscle.

She was committed, she was with another person. But, She loved ME. 2 weeks that’s all that took us to get close and know each other like we knew ourselves. The 2 weeks that i’m never going to get back and the 2 weeks i was in love. Yes i was in LOVE. 2 years in Bangalore and i never felt so happy.

I had already told her that i love her, and she had told me too that she was committed. But there was something with in us that couldn’t keep either of us from talking to each other, staying in contact, going for lunch and dinner.

I vividly recollect. That day, i left office early and rang her up and asked if she can join me for dinner. She took time to answer, but it was a YES. I knew that even though she was with him she loved me and she had confessed to that.

“I don’t know why i want to talk to you; I don’t know why i want to be with you”, she broke out one day, “i know i’m not doing the right thing, i’m not being fair to him. All i know is that i want to be with you”

She knew that it was all wrong and i never had the strength to stop her. I was falling in love and i was falling hard. I was happy. 100%. We talked for hours at length till we were tired, messaged long enough to make our fingers sore, felt the warmth of love, as moments passed we wanted to be with each other more and more.

Saturday on our way to dinner, he called. She said she was going home and what else could she have done than to lie to that poor soul. He was suspicious. He called again; She turned to me and asked,

“What should i tell him?”

“Tell him the truth”, i just couldn’t tell her to lie and i never could.

She did and i saw her smile fade away. She was happy, till that time a bit confused too, but now she felt her consciousness prick. There ended the dinner and i had no idea that it would be the last time we would be together. I dropped her right out side her home, “Good night”, and drove off didn’t even wanted to listen what she wanted to tell me.

A day passed, before we actually spoke. From day one she only had questions to ask me and i wasn’t surprised a bit when these were her first words following ‘hello’,

“What if i say YES to you?”

“One person would be happy and another one would be broken”, i had to be correct as i knew the answer was going to change the tide of our relation, “People will say you left a guy whom you knew for one and a half years for a guy whom you knew only for a week… what ever you decision is i support that…”

“I need to think, will call you in the evening”

The call went dead. I rang her up in the evening and asked for her decision; all she wanted was to meet the next day. So there i was waiting not knowing what her decision was. I was praying and hoping that it would be a positive one and the way she spoke the other day, i was growing confident.

Ladies have to be fashionably late. So i didn’t expect her any sooner. I settled in my chair, sipping the sweet-bitter coffee, and just recollected where i was a week ago and now where i’m. So much has changed in so little a time and i felt like i gained something.

She was the girl i always wanted. I had been with and known enough girls and i knew exactly what kind of a girl i wanted. She was sweet, innocent and sometimes irritatingly sweet and innocent. She was so true to heart that she was unable to take the fact that she was disappointing someone. She repeatedly said that she was cheating him. She didn’t even laugh at my stupid jokes as she never got them and i had to take time to explain them. Opposite do attract. There was many striking similarities that we shared with family matters, tastes and even personal things. The most amusing thing was that she never wanted branded items neither did i. She questioned me for the amount of money i spent on food. Food was the single most expensive thing that spent all my money on. If the food is good then i won’t mind spending anything on it. She believed on sharing what ever expenses occurred when we were together. I had to save my dignity, so never accepted any money. She was all too much perfect. I began planning to telling my parents and to get things rolling. Yes i saw 10 years down the line. And i was dreaming in a busy place, oblivious to my chaotic surrounding.

There She comes, the queen of my most delectable dreams. Its you. My heart was missing a beat, No! it almost stopped. As she neared i saw that the shine in her eyes had gone, the freshness in her face had faded, she had a worn look and walked towards me like she was fighting the pull of someone from behind. Everything just vanished from my mind, the dreams that i built up was gone, my mind was like the most barren land. She sat on the chair next to me. I stared into her eyes searching to find myself. I didn’t had the strength to look anymore and turned away.

“Can you consider me as your friend? … “, those words were like barbwire threading through my heart. Everything just froze at that moment.

“Why? Why? I told you that i will be keeping hope and i told you not to disappoint me”

“Me and him are almost breaking up…”

I interrupted her, “…So that means that you can be with me right…”

“No … i can’t be with you either”, “Why?”

“I love you, which you can be certain of. But i don’t think i can be with you after the guilty feeling that’s killing me, thinking what i did to him. We lost it. He is totally broke. And I’m to blame”

I looked at her. She was torn between the two of us. Her eyes spoke as i looked into those limpid pools, that were about to overflow, ‘… I want to be with you forever. But after what i did to him i won’t be able to be fully happy with you. You make me happy and make me smile, but if i’m not truly happy, its same as cheating you… ‘

She turned away, she didn’t want me to see her through. She broke the silence, “Please! you will have to forget me… Please”

“I cant. Ever! Something in life is sure to remind me of you all the time… and you can’t ask me that…”

“Hope you’d understand… I love you…”

She got up to leave. I just followed her in silence. Nothing mattered now. The traffic was no more deafening, there was silence everywhere. I couldn’t even look up and face the crowd. I was afraid that someone might read me though. I followed her in silence. We didn’t speak a word. She walked for some time and picked up pace, i tried to keep up but i had already fallen and i couldn’t even look up.

“Auto!!! Jayanagar…”, she didn’t even look back

She was lost. I’m still in search for the missing beat of my heart.

The rhythm that i found and lost in 2 weeks. The most musical 2 weeks ever. The two most wonderful weeks of my life. Now its just silence. Melody has given way to Melancholy.

I’m moving on, thinking some day we will be together… Some day…

Nothingness remains…

Second in LOVE

“Yet again, i’ve become the second person. Yet again i miss”, was what that went through my mind when she said, “I have to say NO. I’m with another person”.

I wasn’t angry, i wasn’t surprised, i wasn’t emotional, neither did my heart break into a thousand pieces; but still when you took all your strength to tell someone that you really love them, no matter what. Ouch!!! it ought to hurt somewhere.

She was this person i met a few months back. To tell the truth my initial thought was that she was from North and i generally didn’t care because she was stunningly beautiful. Took some time to realize that she was also from the same geographical location as mine. Then it was the urge to get introduced to her and know her better as a person. That didn’t take long. We met and over time became good friends.

She was not at all like what i had imagined. Looks were deceptive, the Sherlock Holmes in me couldn’t spot that and bloody Dr. Watson was no where near. May be Holmes was drunk. She was simple, innocent, down to earth and oh boy she was younger to me. I find it really weird that most of the girls i meet and get introduced to are, lets say elder to me. I refrain from using the word “Older”, i dont want to get killed by them.

She found my stupid jokes funny, smiled when ever we met and yes i was falling, falling hard. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, twittered about her and Sandy made me the first spammer of twitter. Then came the Strings concert and i wanted to take her. This is something i will never forget. Things took a turn after this is what i feel. I met her and asked

“You know Strings, the band…”

“Yes…”

“and Saif …”(there was this smile on her face i cant describe)

“Well.. they are coming to town for a concert and i have 2 tickets, would you like to join…”(oops what did i do)

Her whole expression changed, she became dead serious and it scared the shit out of me. I felt that i was slapped and stripped.

“No”, came the reply and silence. I left faster than an F1 car from pit stop.

Later i asked her and realized that she was never asked out, has never been to any show and was shocked to hear somebody ask her out. I was on cloud nine, wow.. i want her to be mine.

Advice : Dont give her your site id, if you have written about her. I made the mistake and she read my twitter feeds. I was grilled one day and it took me by surprise. She sought an answer and the only way i saw out of it was to tell her, “You need an answer and i know what the question is. But i will answer only if you can ask me the question”. The was i knew her, she was not going to ask me that.

What next??? We had lunch together one day after that and all of a sudden she started avoiding me. Started giving excuses to avoid meeting me or seeking my help. My friends advised me to keep some distance too. I tried, but it was like she didn’t bother.
Then i took another advise. While having tea one fine evening my friend told me, “Go tell her how you feel. All it takes is ten minutes to tell her and if its YES fine, NO then move on. At the least you can stop messing with yourself.”

Dialed her and asked to meet me for 10 min. She came and killed me with that smile again. I don’t know why she does that and that too at those critical moment.

Now i have to get the whole thing out.”So you need and answer, right?”

“Yes.. ” (there comes the smile again)

“Well … i… really like you. Not by looks but as a person…” couldn’t say anything more and was trying to be as calm as i could.

She smiled and i felt i stood there for a life time, hoping the answer to be a positive one.

“I’m sorry, i’m already with someone.”. This was the toughest part, i was holding my emotions not to be evident “I know him from college and ….”, didn’t quite let her finish that or i guess i went blank at that time.

“Its ok .. its all fine. Sorry i had to make this look so weird…”, and i just cant remember what happened after this, we talked for 2 min and next thing i know is that i’m back at my seat. Five minutes later i realize that i had got a message from her

“Can we still be good friends …”. I hadn’t exactly got out of the whole thing and the reply went “No need!!!”

I still don’t know why i replied like that. I still love her. I don’t know what i saw. Its may be what i felt. But by the time everything was over i had fallen already.

I back Sandy, love makes the world go round, in damn circle of nothingness

(sorry cant include any names, even fake ones, i still love her …)

2008 We scored 2+1+’A whole hostel’

If it was the New Year’s eve on 31st Dec 2006 that in Mumbai ‘we’ strip searched a girl, we just made sure that we area  ‘progressive’ nation. This New Year’s eve we did 2. Way to go …
Are we Indians so sexually frustrated so that we behave worse than dogs. How will these people ever understand that its because of this attitude that they dont stand a chance with any girl and have to be frustrated all the time. Perverts!!!
Now that molestation is the new media key word. IBN Live has some interesting facts - One estimate says a woman is raped every 32 minutes, murdered every 22 minutes, and molested every 15 minutes in India.
There are reports from all around India -
Patna had its share of boys barging into girls hostel, and in Kochi, people molest 15 year old Swedish Tourist.
They should all be caught and castrated!!!

US Conspiracy behind Bhutto’s Assassination?

Is there a US funded conspiracy behind Benazir Bhutto’s assassination?

Well thats why we call it a conspiracy. The attack has been said to be an Al Quaida has been already blamed for it and like any other suicide attack, this one too will end up in Al Quaida’s backyard.

So is there as US mastermind behind the killing of the prolific leader, who was greeted by 3 million supporters on her return in 1986. Though she claims that the military was trying to ‘eliminate’ her, it was more or less brushed aside as allegations.

Look at US. Post 9/11 saw a major sympathy towards the US and when they attacked the then Taliban ruled Afghanistan, the world was with them. Bush had the sympathy of his people, people forgot about Vietnam and supported him. US’ earlier crusade on the Gulf soil against Iraq, on the pretext of helping Kuwait had mixed support. With the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia (KSA) backing US and providing them a base, they won the war, drove away the invading Iraqi soldiers and were Heroes overnight. Enough to save their face and a step closer to build allies in the OIL rich Gulf. But what people didnt see that the war expenses that the US put forward for Kuwait. The oil rich nation could only look on hands tied as their only wealth was being taken away to foreign soil in the pretext of the war expenses.

Look at the allies for US in Asia. We have South Korea, South-east asia was almost a failure with Vietnam, South-asia has India (who forgot the ties with Iran and Iraq and supported US in every deal to some Nuclear deal that looks no where near), Pakistan (their long time ally), KSA (their only friend in the Muslim gulf for a long time, pumping out oil for them) and Turkey in the far west. Lets rule out Turkey as its Europe.

So if you see US doesn’t have a really have many strong allies in Asia. Russia in rags is against them, China is not and that is a power to be reckoned with.

Benazir on the other hand, was sure to come into power and with the current US international affairs had only half the chances of supporting them. Mush was always in love with Bush. He let his backyards burn when he supported the US attack on Afghanistan.

So the only way any one could have really touched Ms. Bhutto, with the kind of protection that Mush had provided, was with his knowledge. Pakistan had the backing of US and any impending attack on Ms. Bhutto would have made the US Intelligence alert the Pak Security and in effect forced Musharraf to alleviate that.

If you see the patter of the initial reports - “…Suddenly, there was an explosion and Bhutto’s bodyguards immediately bundled her into a SUV and attempted to move out of the area…Just then, two men rode by the car on motorcycles. One of them blew himself up and even as Bhutto came out to see what had happened a sniper pumped five bullets into her neck and chest…”[IBN Live]

Rediff reports it as - “…Benazir was shot at by a sniper rifle from close range and a few moments later a suicide bomber created the blast to make sure that she is assassinated. It was a determined effort. They made sure she doesn’t survive the attack. She died due to the injury in her neck…”

So clearly the attack was planned with the notion of how the security was going to react and the timing was impeccable. If i’m sure, when even high profile leaders, especially leaders who has already been a target of suicide attack, travels the security is so tight that no one stands a chance to even approach them.

Definitely MUSH loves BUSH … look at them cuddling…

Hungry and Starving??? - EAT Technology

By this time i hope that every one would have known about the One Laptop Per Child Project. The promised price of $100 laptop for every unprivileged child by Nicholas Negroponte. Well at first i found the project as one that was very thoughtful of Nick. But like every other thing, its supported and opposed and suddenly i find myself not in consonance with OLPC.
Are they providing fresh water? No. Food? No. Shelter? No. Laptop? YES!!! Ohh its going to make so much difference for the child.
Now with his ‘$100 laptop’ which comes for $200 as the ‘introductory price‘, he order food online, munch through the online junk, drink the filtered out SPAM and look at the fat kids in US with out laptop and say how unprivileged they are.
Now thats the way i see the OLPC vision as…
Look at these fact from the World Hunger Site.

Every year 15 million children die of hunger
For the price of one missile, a school full of hungry children could eat lunch every day for 5 years
3 billion people in the world today struggle to survive on US$2/day (i should stop complaining about my salary and consider myslef lucky)
Every 3.6 seconds someone dies of hunger

Now as a good will justure, they have the Give One Get One offer - you buy a laptop for $400, one goes to a child who is dying of hunger and another is for you as a gesture of your good will.
Many a times i dont get the point - Stars come together for some relief fund raiser program. Put up an elaborate show like the 24Hr concert for saving the earth, where they wasted a lot of electricity for earth (obviously they dont know the idea of SWITCHING-OFF), ask people to spend money and join in for a cause. Aren’t these stars filthy rich, may be at least a 10? Cant they just donate what they get for a month in the from of endorsements. That could have helped the world a long time ago. But we are there too see our Stars, who cares about the dying child 3000 miles away???
Related reading -  One Laptop per Child Doesn’t Change the World - John C. Dvorak

Watch Out - Irresponsible New Breed on Road

Life hangs in a balance for 90 minutes, 5 days a week. The commute to and from office!!!  Reckless drivers and slow moving traffic. I almost loose my temper when the driver in front applies brakes. But what could be done. Nothing! The ongoing road constructions are just adding on to the problems.

What does it take people to be a little more responsible? In fact NOTHING! But we just precariously chose not to. I tried being a responsible driver, indicators while changing lanes, right speed, obeying traffic rules - till i reached the point where i almost got run over by a ‘i-dont-care-how-i-drive’ truck driver.

The policy of - ‘if you cant beat the problem, be with the problem’ - really works to your benefit here. Last day Sandil a.k.a 2S comes up with the bright idea that Mutineer’s shouldn’t break any traffic rules. Apparently he was really pissed, coz a biker hit is rear-view mirror and bent it in such a way so that the next car driver can groom himself. It seems like ‘SHE’ (his car), looks like JLo without an ear

But what could be the real solution. After much thinking i think i invented a purple cow -

Step 1 : Get the best of the speeding bikers and make them part-time traffic chasers. They go in pairs. Any one breaking the law- hunt them down and fine them.

Step 2 : The existing traffic police should take more bribes. If the fine for jumping the red signal is Rs. 200, then he should demand at least 150, so that he gets a good hand and the next time the driver will remember. Have some self-esteem dear cops.

Step 3 :  Ask people to send in pics/videos of vehicles violating traffic rules. Run a promo - “Report more; Get paid half the sum of the violations”. This can help the unemployed youths too.

Step 4 : Get the local Bhai’s help to handle the traffic at their locality. (may be not - this might spiral out of control)

Please let me make some money; Kindly don’t follow traffic rules.

(The last time i counted - i had more than 100 traffic violations in one single day - that too just to survive. That included - Overtaking from the left side, speeding, jumping traffic lights…)

Gandhiji’s Talisman : Give it a thought.

Does any one remember Gandhiji’s Talisman? Yes .. a vague idea? You have seen it some where right. Let me help. Remember the NCERT text books back in school, the facing page of the topics, in a nice little box, written in bold ink was Gandhiji’s Talisman.

Here it is again :

Gandhiji’s Talisman:

I will give you a talisman. Whenever you are in doubt, or when the self becomes too much with you, apply the following test. Recall the face of the poorest and the weakest man whom you may have seen, and ask yourself, if the step you contemplate is going to be of any use to him. Will he gain anything by it? Will it restore him to a control over his own life and destiny ? In other words, will it lead to Swaraj (i.e. self-rule) for the hungry and spiritually starving millions ?

Then you will find your doubts and your self melting away.

I don’t know if they still have it in the text books, but it was there when i was in school. It never made sense to me when i was in school. I do remember reading it over and over again, trying to find the intent of the adage. Finally after school and after a long time, some how the Talisman found its way back into my head and then it struck me. The meaning is so simple and yet very powerful. If our leaders had heeded to this simple idea a long time back we wouldn’t be, may be, in such a messed up situation.

Not just the political scenario, but when this simple rule is applied, i’m not saying all the time, when ever in doubt and confusion, the results could astoundingly simple. This one has been put into the text books of your kids, we tell them to read and in the mean time we spoil their innocence.

Here education is seen as a means to mis-interpret Holy Books, promote hatred and invent innovative ways for “Angry Mob Put to your Gain”.

Ponder over IT.

In the company of a Beauty…

Who doesnt love to be in the company of beautiful damsels? Well he has to be a homosexual or a ‘ball-less’ man. Considering atleast 95% of men does not fall into that category, i see no reason as to which one should disagree with my views.

The hips, the curves, the looks, everything has been made to perfection. You are left agape watching those whom you cant flirt with and you stretch the limits of flirting every time you get a chance to. Inadvertently while i’m accused by other competent males for being, well lets say a little more than an uber flirt, i enjoy every step that i go through to reach that goal of flirting. As one of my friends put it “Flirting is good for Health“.

Starting of by mere gandering, marking targets, then going on to make it a point that you purposely go to the place that you see them (the targets). Trying your best so that they notice you, then trying to throw a smile at them, getting ignored, again trying and then finally managing to get the first conversation with them.

Its all fun and each time a game of roulette. Losing and embarrassment in front of your friends, savoring the look on their face when they see you with the ‘catch’. Oh man!!!

Lately when i got assigned to the new project, i hit cloud 9 after all the new work environment was what i was looking for in all my professional career. The last team was like, camels staring at an oasis (not the best of my allegory), this one is like the theme of AXE ads, just that its all opposite.

I was starting to enjoy myself, especially after i found that the girl that i used to admire a lot, was sitting in the next cubicle. But not for long.Tragedy struck last day, when oil was spilled on my sunny lill’ private beach. The last of the hopes, the last of the fading glimmer was brutally taken .. no it was snatched away from me by the clutches of fate and misfortune.

I never though that Bad luck will play such an bad gimmick  with me. All the consonance in my life has been disturbed, every thing that i ever built has been changed by the vicissitudes of fortune. Under the guise of happiness i lost everything, the visage was a mere vision of illusion. - I will be shifted to a different wing.

Its a “bald-field” there, workaholics with a thousand hands tearing up the keyboards apart. Nooooooo